Collective Resilience and Other Observations from a Leadership Coach
There is a collective resilience happening. Plus, a need for self-compassion and grace.
“What is one thing you can do today to give yourself more grace?”
I asked a client a few weeks ago. Then another. Then another. The themes of grace, kindness, and self-compassion were revealing themselves in every single session.
In the years I’ve been a leadership coach, I’ve learned the dynamic between a coach and a client is like two plants potted together with their roots intertwined. The roots speak to each other, dance through the soil, and bud to bloom together. So when I asked the question about grace, perhaps I needed the question just as much as my client.
When I offered “free coaching” in April, I wanted to give back in some way to the collective; the community of us living through the unknown, wild world of this pandemic. I shared with a friend, “Well, I’m not a doctor so I can’t be in the hospitals. I’m high risk, so I shouldn’t leave the house. I’m offering coaching as something simple I can do in all of this complexity.” So truly, I was humbled when over the course of the month I was connected to 40 people from all over the world who wanted to give coaching a try. My giving back expanded to group coaching sessions for The Lola, co-creating a safe space with the amazing Amy Zehfuss. I’ve also continued to offer free coaching to doctors, nurses, and essential workers during the month of May.
What I’ve noticed is…
We all want to be seen and heard.
We deeply desire a space to “just be” whether it’s alone, 1:1, or in community with others. A space where all emotions are allowed; anger, joy, sadness, frustration, apathy, etc. The desire to show-up as you authentically are with no judgement.
Many of us are questioning what is really important. Then getting stuck with how to shift into a more meaningful and fulfilling version of what matters.
We could all use spoonfuls of self-compassion (in addition to the bottles of prosecco we have consumed. Am I right?!)
We are becoming resilient in community together.
Below are a few activities I use in my coaching sessions to strengthen our collective resilience as my continued way to give back. A virtual way for our roots to dance and bloom together.
The Critic and the CEO
Every. Single. Person. has their own version of an Inner Critic. Some call it a gremlin. Others a saboteur voice. Your inner critic is that nagging voice, the critical self-talk, that is defeating and exhausting. In many cases, it also could have helped you find success. For example, my inner critic is the voice that says, “I’m not good enough.” My inner critic values achievement and has always pushed me to be the best throughout my life. Identifying your inner critic is crucial to help your own unlocking and how, in this moment, it may no longer serve you.
Identify the Inner Critic.
What does your inner critic say? What has it allowed you to be, or not, in your life? What has it given you? Say to the inner critic, “Thanks but no thanks” as it no longer serves you.
Identify your Inner CEO.
What is the compassionate and courageous part of you? Who is that wise guide? A person? A thing? What is a meaningful representation of the wise leader you can call upon in times of doubt?
Your Inner Critic co-exists with your Inner CEO. The CEO is a compassionate and courageous version of yourself bringing you the wisdom of your own inner leader. It balances critical self-talk with self-compassion.
“Should” is a dirty word
Where do “the shoulds” come from? What is right? vs What is right, FOR ME? I’ve learned that “the shoulds” come from our world views and life experiences. The Inner Critic voice is a sneaky collaborator with the shoulds and the both hold us back from leading a fulfilling life. Just Say “NO” as they are another person’s version of your resonant life.
Identify “the shoulds”
What does your Inner Critic say in collaboration with that?
What is one compassionate thing your Inner CEO would offer you?
Hopefully, this offered y’all a few “ah-ha” moments of reflection.
As I share with my clients, I’m here to be that fierce advocate, alongside your Inner CEO, to move you forward.
My roots have grown in an integrative dance with others. As my roots stretch deeper, I feel stronger in being in community with you all; the collective resilience.
Don’t forget to be kind to yourself, let go of your Inner Critic, and ask for what you need. Take a few deep breaths with grace.